


Oops

by crownglass39



Series: Bad Sex Series [3]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-13
Updated: 2013-11-13
Packaged: 2018-01-01 10:01:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1043498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crownglass39/pseuds/crownglass39
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Did you honestly expect to just slip in there?" Sometimes bad sex turns out pretty damn good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oops

  
Oops by [Crownglass39](viewuser.php?uid=1382)  


  
Summary: "Did you honestly expect to just slip in there?" Sometimes bad sex turns out pretty damn good.  
Categories: Slash Pairings > McKay/Sheppard Characters:  None  
Genres:  Humour, PWP - Plot, What Plot?, Series  
Warnings:  Adult themes  
Challenges: None  
Series: None  
Chapters:  1 Completed: Yes  
Word count: 1878 Read: 2156  
Published: 25 Aug 2007 Updated: 25 Aug 2007 

Story Notes:

Losely part of the "Bad Sex" series.

Chapter 1 by Crownglass39

Author's Notes:

There is some fairly graphic dirty talk ahead.

~*~  
"Oops!"

"Urgh! What do you mean by 'Oops,' Colonel?" Rodney's tone was icy. "Did you honestly expect to just slip in there?"

"Well, er..."

"What are you, 17?" Rodney pushed John off of him and shot him the patented glare-of-death.

"So I guess you don't wanna..."

"Well, obviously you don't think I want to! That much is apparent by your regression to adolescence and by your resorting to the oh-so-famous 'Oops Technique'."

Rodney sounded fairly pissed. Rightly so, John conceded. If he had been on the receiving end of what he had just tried, he'd be freaking livid.

"I can't believe you...'Oops'," Rodney snorted indignantly. Yep, Rodney was pissed. He was screaming it with every fiber of his being: his face was flushed the little vein in his forehead was throbbing and he was doing his hand-waving thing.

Clearly, Rodney was not going to just let this go easily and allow John to remain with some dignity intact. Not that John deserved it.

Rodney rolled out from under John and glared at him hard for a moment or two before his expression cleared as if he got an answer to a puzzling question. Then his eyes glinted. John knew that glint and his insides twisted a bit. THAT was the look McKay wore when he knew he won. John was used to seeing that look when they played chess...but in bed, that was something else completely. Silently, Rodney pushed him over with a warm hand on his side. He didn't climb out of bed and stomp away like John expected though. Instead, he pushed John over a bit rearranged them both to his liking so that they were both on their sides and Rodney's warm front was pressed all up against John's back.

Rodney's breath was warm against the back of John's neck. The feeling startled John a bit even though he knew Rodney was right there behind him. The hairs on his neck stood on end in anticipation of...something.

"Did you try that with some of the girls in high school, Romeo?" Rodney whispered into the back of John's neck, lips lightly brushing the skin as he spoke. His voice dipped lower and the tone had lost some of the edge; he sounded hornier all of a sudden. One hand was tracing random patterns along John's arm.

"I bet your girlfriends were always wet for you weren't they? You barely even had to work at it, did you? You just slid into them like a knife through butter."

John swallowed dryly.

Jesus! How did John never know about Rodney's gift to talk dirty? It should have been obvious, with McKay's ability to talk ad nauseam, but John was still startled by Rodney's ability to talk him into a proverbial puddle of goo. And not just dirty talk, this was downright filthy and so damn hot.

"Did you get them into bed and sweet talk them till they were slick and just try to slide into their tight little..."

"God, No!" John was probably a little more adamant than he needed to be, "that'd be just rude and..." John's voice trailed off, shocked by his admission and even more so that he just tried that with Rodney.

"No? Mmm..." John felt Rodney's tongue drag up the back of his neck and a warm moist nibble that made him shudder. "I didn't think so," Rodney drawled.

Another surprise. Apparently Rodney drawled when really turned on.

"There's a little more finesse to this than just spit and pray you know. With men, well, there's a little more work involved." John should have been embarrassed about having Rodney lecture him on sex techniques, not just sex techniques but GAY sex techniques his brain happily supplied; but Rodney punctuated every few words with a roll of his hips against John's ass and God that was distracting.

"You see, there's a procedure for this just like everything else." Rodney ran one big, warm hand up and down the length of John's flank.

"Procedure?" John squeaked out. This is SO not how he expected the evening to go.

"Mmm, yeah," Rodney murmured lips brushing the back of John's neck and then he pushed John over a little so that he was laying more on his front.

John hadn't been with too many people who could just push him around like that; it was oddly hot, besides, it was hard to think with Rodney kissing between his shoulder blades; two slow pecks followed by a swipe of tongue slowly moving from one side to the other.

"And to think I called you Kirk!" John was aware that he'd been vaguely insulted, but before he could work up any indignation he was distracted again by Rodney's mouth. He'd set up a rhythm across John's back.  
Peck...peck... lick.  
Peck...peck... lick.

Rodney worked a hand under John's hip and slowly moved it up to John's chest. Rodney's hands felt so warm and the mere touch left John gasping. He splayed his hand across John's chest and pulled him flush against his body. John was surrounded: Rodney's hot cock was rubbing up against one ass cheek leaving little wet trails behind while his fingers were was rubbing circles around a pert nipple. He felt hot and a little out of control and so fucking turned on.

"I could show you the procedure sometime." Rodney pushed his nose into the hair at John's neck and breathed in deeply.  
"I'm good with procedure." It was impossibly hot. He seemed intent on kissing each and every vertebra in John's spine; slowly pressing warm lips against John's back while his hand rubbed ellipses down John's thigh.

"I think I'd like that...sometime," John replied a little more breathlessly than he'd like to admit.

Rodney's hand glanced down the front of John's thigh, circled the knee and then ghosted up the back and cupped the cheek. He let out a soft huff of approval each time his hand pressed against John's ass.  
With each pass Rodney's hand dipped further in till his fingers lightly crested John's center.  
"Yeah, I know you would."

"I think you'd like that too." John shifted his thigh open a fraction and Rodney responded by circling his fingers over and over.

"That, I think, is the understatement of the evening."

"Geez, are you trying to talk me into coming?"

Rodney huffed a little. "You think I could?"

John gasped when Rodney brought his finger to his lips to suck on it lewdly. He had to crane his neck around into a position that would leave him aching in the morning, but the sight of Rodney working his own finger in and out of his mouth was worth it.

Rodney pulled the finger out of his mouth with a 'pop' and ran his palm down John's side slowly, slowly back down to his ass. The anticipation was nearly unbearable.

"Oh God yeah!" John wasn't sure whether this was in answer to Rodney's question or what his fingers were doing and he didn't much care. He moved his knee up, opening himself a little more for ...whatever Rodney had planned. At this point he was so turned on he was ready for anything that Rodney wanted to do, just as long as he kept talking...and touching.

"You like this?" Rodney asked. It was a rhetorical question. John was rubbing his hands along the sheets seeking out just that bit of more that would push him over.

"You like my fingers playing with your ass? Slicking up your hole?" His finger worked itself in just the tiniest bit and retreated.

"Jesus Rodney!" It really was too much. The dirty talk. The fingers.

"You like me sliding my finger into you?" He pushed in a bit more. "You're so hot and tight."

John was leaking constantly into the sheets and didn't care. He was beyond ready to come and Rodney hadn't even touched his dick yet. He rocked his hips into the sheets looking for the last bit of friction that he needed, but Rodney stopped him with a firm hand to his hip.

"Oh I don't think so, Colonel." Rodney ran his foot up along John's calf and John soaked up the contact. Right now, any contact was good. Rodney nudged John's knee open just a fraction more.

John was pretty close to begging.

"You'll come, but it'll be my fingers and my voice that will bring you there..."

That alone very nearly did John in, but not quite. So close, but not quite. John settled back on the sheets.

"Oh that's good. You like how this feels?"

Rodney rocked his finger and John whined. Actually whined.

"Wait till its my tongue slicking you, pushing into you."

John rocked back taking more of Rodney's finger and it felt amazing.

"In a second, John, you're gonna come and I want you to remember how your ass feels clenched around my finger and imagine, John, how good that will feel when you clench around my dick."

And yep, he was right. That alone did it. John fucked himself once, twice on Rodney's finger and then he was coming so hard. It felt amazing: Rodney's finger inside him, his asshole fluttering around it as he came. It was a feeling like no other and John didn't even care that he was practically crying out with his orgasm, wetting his belly and the sheets beneath him.

When he finally settled down, Rodney was once again petting his ass, this time looking happy and smug all in one.

"Need me to..." John asked, looking pointedly down.

"Nah. All taken care of."

John raised an eyebrow and Rodney looked a little embarrassed. It looked like "Sex God Rodney" had retired for the evening.

"You were so fucking hot when you came." Rodney looked away and his cheeks flushed a little more. When John caught his eye again he just stared back as if that were explanation enough.

After a minute he sighed. "Yeah, well, watching you come, that kind of made me come too."

If he had any more energy, John would have laughed at the irony. Rodney had come without anyone even touching him and he was embarrassed about that. It figured.

Ignoring the wet spot (Ew!) John pulled Rodney close and licked his way into his mouth.

"At least you didn't have to resort to the infamous 'Oops Technique'."

"Thank God for small wonders," Rodney replied, yawning. There was some odd wiggling to be done to avoid the (rather large) wet spot, but finally the two of them settled down all nestled and warm together. John hooked the sheet with his toe and flicked it up. Silently, Rodney caught it and smoothed it over the both of them.

As they drifted off, John figured they were both idiots just a little bit, but at least they were idiots together.

  
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.wraithbait.com/viewstory.php?sid=12238>  



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